“When people walk away, let them. Your future is not about people who walk away…. it’s about the people who stay in it for the ride.” Anon
This can be a hard one to understand when you’re going through the grieving of losing someone you thought was there for ever. Sometimes we can be in a relationship that actually isn’t that good for us, but it is known, and we can’t see how life could be without them. We are told that everyone comes into our lives comes for a reason – and now the time has come for them to let you go, so you have the opportunity to grow in a different direction. Often we are so attached that we don’t see it until later when we develop new relationships.
Meanwhile we have other relationships to be grateful for, people who still want to share their lives with us. People who may be grateful for the contribution we can make in their lives, where the ties are still strong and need to be nurtured. We may find that there is now a vacuum that attracts new people and relationships that are exactly what we need, that we wouldn’t have attracted had we clung onto the old. In Chinese medicine the grief process is about attracting new experiences and people into our lives, but being able to let go when the time is right.
Enjoy looking forward!
“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” Carl Sandburg
I remember in my teenage years being very aware of this and feeling that every minute is special. However it can and has, caused me to fill every moment up, often at the expense of letting go the hustle bustle so that I can smell the roses. I’m not sure if things would have changed much if my husband hadn’t died. That has been a life defining moment for me, recognising that I hadn’t been spending the time I wanted in the sociable and self-nurturing activities that are so crucial to each and every one of us. Humans need to connect, to bond, to live healthy, fulfilling lives. We need time with Self to feel whole, to feel self-love and to have a sense of purpose.
It certainly can be a balancing act, balancing the yin or nurturing side of us and the yang or activity based side of us. Balancing what we want against what others want. Learning how to tune into our own body’s wisdom so we KNOW what we want rather than always doing what others want. Each one of us has our own journey that no one else has the right to try and live for us. Are you aware of the difference? Do you really KNOW when you are living your life on purpose?
Enjoy spending your coins of time wisely!
“If you meditate deeply, sooner or later you will start feeling tremendous love arising in you that you have never known before. You want a love that is born out of meditation, not born out of the mind.” Osho
Meditation can be a word that carries feelings of resistance. When I first came across meditation, I wasn’t even prepared to look at the concept, because the picture I had in my mind, was that of people sitting cross-legged on the floor, humming a mantra and of course they were able to clear their minds of the thoughts, constantly tumbling around in my mind. However a few years later when I was on a wellness course, I was introduced to the notion that anything we did to create the relaxation response, rather than the stress response, was going to be good for us. We were taught a variety of methods, and what got me hooked, was the fact that we would feel better if we accepted the transgressions of the mind and accepted that minds keep flitting. The Buddhists apparently call this unwillingness of the mind to stop, as ‘jumping monkeys.’
Research has shown that even 5-10 minutes each day, of focusing on the breath as it goes into the body can be beneficial. It can often be just a matter of remembering to carve out this small amount of time, and then follow it up with the odd deep breath, and letting go of the tension as you relax with the out breath, during the day. You’re waiting for someone to answer the phone, take a couple of breaths to the bottom of your lungs. The lights are red and it’s tempting to allow the frustration to amp up when we’re running late, instead take a couple of breaths and drop those shoulders. When we’re in this place of relaxation, it is easier to feel gratitude for the people in our lives, to feel the love in our hearts that will help us respond in a way that makes everyone feel good.
Just trial getting up 10 minutes earlier, sit quietly and focus on the breath, with no other agenda than to ‘be’ and enjoy!
“Instead of being afraid to start a new chapter in your life, be as excited as you are when reading a really good book and want to know what happens next.”
I remember the first time I left home I realised that I was on a new chapter of my life, leaving all the things I had known & most of my friends. I remember only the excitement at that time as I hopped on to the train with a good friend to head north, over Cook Strait and on to Hamilton, to do our final year of training. The next year I was heading to the West Coast of the South Island. This was different. I was on my own and going to a place that no one else wanted to go to. They all felt sorry for me and the name of Greymouth, was reflected in the weather & the piles of coal dumped on peoples lawns. I now had a position of responsibility as a new staff member, the welcome was warm and it wasn’t long before the positive anticipation returned. I only had a year there before I moved on yet again.
Of course there were challenges to face in each new place, in each new chapter, but we all need challenges to grow. We wouldn’t get beautiful pearls if they weren’t challenged by the irritating sand. We would never see the full beauty of the rose if it didn’t grow and open from the bud into full bloom. As we turn each page we are getting nearer to the end, nearer to finding out what characters we have chosen to move through the story with, what exciting opportunities and events we have included and how we feel as we develop along the way. Of course the doubts and fears can try to distract us from our path, but do you really want that to stop you from growing into the best you can be before the book ends, and finding out what happens next?
Enjoy creating the story of your life!
“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” Mahatma Gandhi
But don’t you just feel like getting back sometimes! And who is the one who gets churned up about going over that incident again and again in your mind? And what does that do to your stress hormones and physiology in your body? So do you actually lash out feeling justified because you’ve been wounded in some way, or do you hate conflict. You’ve been taught it isn’t OK to hit back, you’ve been taught to turn the other cheek, so you feel like a saint because you didn’t lash out, you kept it to yourself.
Unfortunately it can eat away at you with those same stress hormones day in, day out. This person you want to lash out at, may no longer be around. And here you are letting those thoughts keep that incident alive in your mind, sometimes for years – this is what wars can be all about. I couldn’t believe the hatred and bitterness in Northern Ireland! Forgiveness is the only way to go, not necessarily because you are turning the other cheek, but because inside you are letting go, so you can move on and give your physiology a break. Turn off the hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, that can be so destructive.
Enjoy choosing peace!