“Communication is critical to developing mutually beneficial and mutually enjoyable relationships. Relationships require trust, and one of the best ways to develop trust is to focus on helping the other person feel heard and understood.” Jack Canfield
There are a lot of different tests out there that we can put ourselves through, so that we can understand a bit more about ourselves and what makes us tick. Some businesses put their employees through one of these for example the DISC process. This is meant to help us understand what makes other people on the staff tick as well. In doing so we learn to understand that not everyone thinks like us or reacts to circumstances like us. Oh, were it that simple! We may have been born with certain genetics that predispose us to behave in a certain way, but more importantly the conditioning we have had from our parents and other significant adult have a profound influence on the way we think, believe and act.
If we can accept that the other family members or staff are not actually out to get us, or trips us up, we may be able to see that like you they are just trying to do the best they can from their own set of beliefs and conditioning. Do you think this would then help you to trust those around you more? What if you were to have compassion and understanding for those contributing to your life in any way, and follow the basic need for us all – to be heard and understood? In business we are being taught all the time that people will do business with those who they know like and trust. Our day-to-day relationships are no different. What if you were to ask open ended questions of your family and friends, and really listen to their reply without thinking of what you are going to say next? If they feel they are being heard, you should find these relationships open up.
Enjoy really communicating in your relationships!
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” Dale Carnegie
We are all creatures of emotion and that is how sales people get us to buy anything. We then use our logic to justify our feelings and what we may have done (bought). As young children under the age of 7 we don’t have adult logic. Everything happening around us has a meaning so the emotions we feel, create the beliefs and conditions we live by. We use those beliefs and feelings to justify everything we do.
These beliefs have a powerful effect on all facets of our lives, whether we fully commit to what we are doing, whether we have good self-esteem or whether we create a victim life full of blame. However every day we can choose to change how we feel about our relationships, our goals and life, which in turn will help to create different actions and results. What can you do today to change how you feel about your circumstances and use your feelings to move towards the positive relationships you crave?
Enjoy feeling grateful for the good things in your life!
“If you fail, never give up because F~A~I~L means ‘First Attempt in Learning.’
End is not the end. In fact, E~N~D means ‘Effort never dies.’
If you get ‘no’ as an answer, remember N~O means ‘Next Opportunity.’ “ Author unknown
In my past I tried some network marketing and one of the strategies that was suggested to us when people said ‘No,’ was to say in our heads, ‘Next.’ A bit like in the doctor’s waiting room. But what if the no is more about what we are feeling inside when we try something and it doesn’t feel right. We may feel as though we have failed because other are making it work. What if we were to be excited about the new opportunity that is around the corner? No doubt you’ve heard another quote that says, ‘as one door closes another is opening.’
There are a lot of opportunities out there for us all to attract when we feel we have ‘failed’ or it is the ‘end’ of something. Often it is only in hindsight we are able to acknowledge that. Once we have a new job that pays better and has more perks, we realise we are actually better off here right now than we would have been had we stayed where we were. My grand-daughter has just learnt to recognise the words, The End. For her I see it as the beginning of her reading life and hopefully next time you feel you have come to the end of the road, you will look for the beginning of the next phase of your life.
Enjoy your ‘First Attempt In Learning!’
“Some people are going to leave, but that’s not the end of your story….. that’s the end of their part in your story.”
Last week I was talking about writing your own story with excitement. This excitement might be dulled because you have someone in your life who no longer needs to be there. If you look back at your life you may realise that there are people who used to be around but who have moved on. I noticed that with my Xmas card list, last year. There were some whose lives have taken a different path – no animosity but more a drifting apart. Things like school reunions can bring people back together for a short while and it is fun to reminisce, but your lives have a different focus now.
What is harder, is the drifting apart of people who have been special in your life, because there is so much more at stake. This usually has to be a conscious decision from one person. Although there may be some grief around this decision, when we look back on that chapter of our story hopefully we are able to see the things learned, the gift in the parting and the strength of character that we are taking into the next chapters. Chinese Medicine links grief with the energy of the lungs. Just like our breath going in and out of the body, there is a healthy way to take on new things but be able to let go when it is time to move on. This grief can be surrounding a death, a separation or losing a job.
Whatever it is for you, enjoy the lessons learned from the people in your story!