“The art of being wise, is knowing what to overlook.” William James
At the end of the day the question we have to ask ourselves is, “Will this matter in a year or even 6 months from now?” The art of overlooking is never tested as sorely as when we have children. Tidy bedrooms, beds made, dyed hair, studs in the tongue. Our beliefs can affect these thought processes. At the end of the day we have to make a judgement call. Aah the word judgement. I was having a conversation with a friend recently because judgement has been tied to criticism and we were discussing how we still need judgement. Some may call it discernment, but being able to discern or judge with a clear mind can keep us safe, can help us to keep our relationships intact or feel comfortable with the decisions we have made.
Recently I was reading a series of blogs and one was about judgement. Rachael Jayne Groover was saying that judgement can help us choose, even down to which groceries we want; it can help us let go of situations that are causing anxiety, when we judge what is real or imagined; judgement helps us see red flags to sense what situation is or isn’t right for you. Understanding what is going on in the brain when we immediately react or jump to conclusions can help us to learn that we can do it differently if we choose to. At the start it may seem impossible to change our reactions. Being aware of your automatic brain reaction after it has happened is the first step, then noticing when you are in the midst of it, then finally bringing it back to priming yourself to be prepared and choose how you want to behave BEFORE an event. It is then so much easier to stay calm under apparent attack. That other person may be triggered by something very innocent and is smarting from their own judgements. Connecting regularly with that part of you that is wise, will help you judge and know what to overlook.
Enjoy overlooking minor things!
“Your competition isn’t other people. Your competition is your procrastination. Your ego. The unhealthy food you’re consuming. The knowledge you neglect. The negative behaviour you’re nurturing and your lack of creativity. Compete against that.” – Jade Jackson.
Have you thought of what is going on in your life in this way? Our inner being, our inner critic, can really put the brakes on, when we put out some goals that we want to achieve. I’m in an exercise group at the moment that has a very strong face book group who all support one another. This is so good when people fall off their eating plan, or they don’t exercise every day as they had planned. I haven’t seen any judgement, which I think is fantastic, as we can do a lot of that judging & criticising of ourselves which doesn’t get us anywhere. I have been in trainings where they suggest we have an accountability buddy who not only helps to keep us from procrastinating or neglecting the actions we said we planned to do, but also props us up as the inner critic tries to do a hatchet job.
When the ego decides to let us know we’re not achieving as we should, or we’ve had a bad day eating food we know really should be off limit, the brain creates the stress response by pumping out chemicals or hormones that shut down the part of the brain that is able to think clearly and help us to think positively again. This is an inbuilt reaction, a stress reaction exactly the same as when we are faced with a physical stress. If you don’t have an accountability buddy or a group of people who are cheering you on, it can be easy to let the negative voices in the head take over. The voices that tell you you’re not good enough, that you can’t achieve what you have said you want to do, or that, “other people can do that, but I can’t.” As this quote says, this is what we are all competing against. Recognising that is a start. Then setting up systems or better conversations in our head will help you work with those voices rather than against them, because those voices won’t stop.
Enjoy taking on this competition from a new perspective!