“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” Hermann Hesse.
Do you resonate with this quote? Do you recognise that when you see a behaviour in someone else that doesn’t feel good, you notice it because it is familiar, you can feel something come up in you that you have felt before. The only problem is, your parents, your teachers, your culture or society, has conditioned you to believe that it isn’t appropriate to behave in that way. I’ve told the story before of the shame I felt over something I did as a 7 year old because I had been brought up to believe that I shouldn’t behave the way I had. At some level I suppose I must have believed that I had let the family down in some way. I don’t know how long it took for me to stop thinking about it, but it did pop up from time to time. It took 45 odd years before I realised that not everyone has been brought up with the same beliefs about life and that particular behaviour.
The part of me that behaved in that way, judged other people who also showed that side of their personality. I didn’t like it in myself and I didn’t like seeing it in others. It wasn’t until I realised that my belief was not a universal truth, that I could stop judging myself and others for that particular behaviour. Now I use those situations where I feel judgement come up about someone else’s behaviour or way of being, as a reason to look inward and discover where in myself have I done that, could do that or want to do that. This is a very powerful process to see that for what it is, just a belief, not a truth. Once I can acknowledge that, I can stop judging both the other person and myself. Judging anyone doesn’t feel good, and I’ve been the recipient of the judgement of myself too much in the past. It doesn’t feel good. Does this feel like something you would like to start doing?
Enjoy letting the judgement go!