Author Archives: Robyn Vintiner

Are You Going Up Or Down?



“If there are no ups and downs in your life, it means you are dead.”

A few years ago I was doing a trek in Nepal, and on the first day we were walking along the valley floor and the guide pointed upwards and said, “That’s where we are staying tonight.”  My heart sank, to see the height of the hill/mountain we had to climb.  But there was no alternative and we had chosen this particular route so that we could see the sunrise from the ‘top of the world,’ the next morning.   And what an experience that was, with hundreds of others from all parts of the world, joined with one common exciting purpose.  So the contrast was amazing! Yes it would have been easier to just walk along a flat path, but we would never have had that fantastic experience.

Life is also like that.  How do we get the contrast of light and shadow, of good times and ‘bad,’ if we only ever have one basic experience?  Life would become monotonous.  There is a natural Law of Polarity, which says, there are always 2 sides to everything. You can’t have an in without an out, or an up without a down. The rich tapestry of special moments wouldn’t be treasured, if we didn’t have some challenges to gives us the contrast.  Maybe even some pride in ourselves when we have overcome something that perhaps we didn’t know we could do.  It takes acceptance of both the good points we have and the points we would rather hide, to make us who we are and what we have to offer the world.

Enjoy staying alive with both the ups and downs in your life!

“Forgiveness is Just Another Name for Freedom” Byron Katie



“You can spend your time alone re-digesting past regrets, or you can come to terms and realize you’re the only one who can forgive yourself, makes much more sense to live in the present tense”      Eddie Vedder

 

When I was a teenager, I remember thinking why should I forgive myself, what rights have I got to do that, when I’ve done something that others may have not liked. And I’ve hung in there with the judgement & criticism of myself, until the next demeanour came along. I saw the Catholics going to the priest for absolution of their sins & thought that was wrong because once they had that off their chest they could go out & do it all over again. I don’t know whether they did or not, but I’m sure they felt better about what they had done because the priest had done the sign of the cross over them & sent them on their way.

 

It has taken a long time to allow myself to forgive the things that I don’t like about what I have done. Let’s face it, in the scheme of things, they don’t really look too bad. If a murderer gets to turn their life around, then surely I should be able to do the same. Depends on my level of energy as to how much I can turn my back on those messages I had when growing up. Those messages that were trying to turn me into an upright citizen of this world. I’m grateful that I had an upbringing from parents who cared enough to remind me what society expected of me. But sometimes I wish those voices of judgement would stop. How much longer do I have to feel bad, when all I have to do is acknowledge that we all make mistakes right now & move forward.

 

Enjoy forgiving yourself & moving confidently on to the next step!

Do You Think Like Elvis That it is Now or Never?



“Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.”

We have become such a ‘now’ society. In my parent’s day you didn’t buy anything on time payment, you saved up until you had enough to pay for it. Slowly but surely the urgency has crept in. As soon as the stores were able to set up finance plans we were putting all sorts of things onto a payment plan. Cars, whitegoods and even clothes – pay as you wear. The stores were doing more and more to capture our disposable income. Only it’s no longer disposable for a lot of people. Credit cards have taken over and it’s too easy to pay for something we really can’t afford. Whatever we have bought will be obsolete before we have paid it off. Are you measuring your success against you friends?

It was interesting over this past Xmas. Some family members gave the grandchildren some cash to put towards something they each wanted. The 5 year old had a short fall of about $4 and even though I was going over and the plan was to give some more while there so I could go shopping with them to spend it, he really didn’t get it. I’m not sure at what age they get that sense of waiting longer for something they want most. So he did some chores for Mum to make up the short fall to get his favourite toy. At the end of the day though he did pay cash so I guess he learnt that little lesson and did earn it first. They have done experiments with kids and tell them they can have one sweet now but if they leave it on the plate they can have 2 when the researcher comes back into the room. The majority cannot wait. What are you having to discipline yourself about, to wait until you have saved enough for whatever it is you want most. Our money mind set has a big part to play in all of this but that is a story for another day.

Enjoy choosing between now and delayed gratification!

Are You Still Measuring Yourself Against Family Judgements?



“Don’t measure your progress using someone else’s ruler.”

Do you remember when you were at school and you got a report from the teacher? Sometimes this could be demoralising because we had been doing our best, but somehow it wasn’t enough to have registered as an upgrade in the teacher’s eyes. Other people don’t always know the battle going on inside of us and how hard we have to push to go through the terror barrier of the fear we are feeling just to turn up. It may take longer than we would like but gradually we can see signs of improvement. Of course it is so much easier if it is a physical thing like learning a new sport or learning to drive, everyone can see those tangible changes. But if it is something that is changing on the inside it may not be as obvious for others or ourselves.

Last year I had some coaching. Yes we coaches have to have coaching so that we can stay neutral and not get ‘triggered’ when a client behaves in a way that is uncomfortable for us. In coach speak, triggered just means to react to something that others don’t. These sessions were extras to a group programme we were doing. This is one time when I could measure my progress by the others who are used to notice triggering going on in themselves and others. Several noticed that I wasn’t being triggered as much as I had been at the start. I was letting things wash over me more. Although they had noticed, there wasn’t a sense of judgment one way or the other. I wasn’t being measured, it was an observation. If there are times when you feel out of step with others or the stress of a certain situation is ‘winding you up,’ you may consider getting some help from an impartial coach, who can guide you and give encouragement without a sense of being measured or judged. I offer a complimentary session so you can trial this coaching thing that sounds as though it could be a bit scary. Check out my contact details on the left side of this ‘newsletter.’

Enjoy noticing your own progress while ignoring the measurement of others!

Who do You See In the Mirror?



“Look in the mirror. That is your ONLY competition.”

In the past I have been guilty of seeing only the flaws, the things I don’t like about myself when I look in the mirror. Not long after I had first trained to be a coach I went to a weekend training where we had to look in the mirror & say, “I love you.” I really struggled to do that back then but after working  on myself and learning that each and every one of us is special, I can honestly look at myself and appreciate the person looking back at me. Yes I may still be carrying more weight than I would like, but that’s no reason to stop loving who I am at the core of me. A lot of what we think or feel is about the messages we have been given from our parents, our teachers, siblings and friends without them realising that we have come up with a completely different understanding than what was intended.

That competition the writer of this quote is talking about, is the story we are telling ourselves about who we think we are. If we don’t change that story or message we start to believe that voice. The voice that tells us we could do better, that we are not good enough or when are we going to sharpen up. So if I look in the mirror and only see the person the voice is talking about, the one that tells me I need to lose weight, that’s what I see. If however I change that recording to a more positive one, that tells me the positive things about who I am, I see those in the mirror. What are you seeing when you look in the mirror? Do you see the person you want to see, or the one you want to criticise and judge?

Enjoy loving the you, you see in the mirror!

This Year, Next Year, Sometime, Never!



“You will never have this day again, so make it count.”

I don’t know how many of you have written out your dreams, desires, goals or plans for the next 90 days, year, 5 years. Even if you haven’t written them and only thought about them, you have put that message out to the universe that these dreams are what you want in your life. Do you think this dream or these plans are worthy of you? Whatever you do any day of the year, you are giving up your life for. So think carefully, feel into whether your tasks in your business, your holiday plans or your JOB are making you feel expansive or whether they constrict you. I feel very blessed that I have had a career that I have loved. I love working with & relating to people who come in and out of my life.

People are my life blood. I feel happiest when I’m working with or relaxing with people. Even if I’m sitting here tapping away on the keyboard I am interacting with whoever is choosing to read what I have written that interaction also makes me feel expansive rather than constricted. It doesn’t feel like work. It may to some of you. You may prefer to be sitting reading a book or watching your favourite TV programme. Make no mistake though, whatever you are doing, you are giving up every single one of those minutes of your life for the choice you have made, so make it count as you will never get those minutes back again.

Enjoy feeling expansive!

What Are You Ordering Off the Menu of Life?



“Desire is the effort of the unexpressed possibility within you, attempting to express itself through you in physical form.” – Wallace D Wattles

New Year is a big time of desires coming to the front of our minds. As we get busy leading up to Xmas, a lot of us try to ignore the fact that we haven’t actually got a lot closer to our desires that we started with in the New Year. We were full of hope that this year was going to be different. But somehow life got in the way. We slowly drifted back into the ways that were familiar, away from trying something new. This metaphysical idea that our thoughts are just things, still in an abstract form, is something we may struggle with. We may still consider it Woo Woo to believe that we can change our reality just by focusing on different thoughts. Wallace D Wattles wrote the book “The Science of Getting Rich.” Of course we all think of rich as in, more money than we currently have, but he was meaning rich in the wider sense of the word and one of the chapters of this book was what the movie “The Secret,” was based on.

The Law of Attraction is always working whether we think we are connected or not. Just because you put in your order for something off the menu of life, does not mean the waitress is going to bring it to you, especially if you keep changing your mind or you’re not specific enough for the chef to fully understand your desires. Stay with this concept of ordering a meal for a minute. If you kept changing your order that the waitress took out to the kitchen, you can see that the chef might get a tad confused as to what exactly it is that you want to arrive on your plate.  This is what happens when we spend 5 minutes each morning focusing on our dream life, before hopping into the car to go to work. Before we even get there, someone has cut us off, the lights turn red and we’re conscious we really should have got out of bed earlier so that we could leave for work in better time. Those thoughts are the orders that are then going out into the kitchen of the universe. If the stressed thoughts, the negative thoughts or pessimistic thoughts are the dominant ones, that is what we attract because that is the order the chef is getting, day in and day out. So for that short 5 minutes of meditation in the morning the chef sits up and takes notice that something new is being ordered but unless it stays that way, the chef is going to continue to serve up what is your most common, focused order. And this is how we know what are predominant thoughts are, when we see what is being served up to us on a daily basis. So if you want that to change, you will need to change that regular order.

Enjoy starting the order change on New Year’s Eve.

Are You Chasing Elusive Happiness?



“Happiness is when you feel good about yourself without the need for anyone else’s approval.”  Anon

I went into my list of you people who receive my Rejuvenating Thoughts, to change an address. I was reminded how loyal you my readers are. I do want you to know that I appreciate that my work is being read. I hope we will continue our journey together into 2020. If I’m not careful I will be feeling happiness purely because I know my email to you each week is being seen. However, to my message below.

Is this what you felt on Xmas day, or was it conditional on someone being there or your grandchildren showing up, and let’s face it, there is nothing like grandchildren to pick up your spirits. Or did you go out and make your happiness by helping others less fortunate than yourself. We have a great tradition here in Dunedin where there is a big Xmas meal put on in the middle of the day in the Town Hall and it is manned by volunteers. I haven’t been here in the past and if I hadn’t had family, I think that is where I would like to be, although I believe they have more offers of help than they need.  I used to have that feeling in the hospital on Xmas or other holidays when people weren’t well enough to go home. It always seemed like the normal hustle and bustle of the hospital had slowed down, and we all had more time just to be with people even if it wasn’t actually for long.

What are some things you would like to be doing to feel good about yourself and the world, without needing others to supply that feel good factor? If we aren’t reliant on others to feel happy and it comes from within, we can be happy whenever we want. We don’t have to wait until someone else comes around with a bounce in their step. Have you learnt how you can help yourself, ‘up the energy of happiness for you and those around you?  We have only 2 days left of 2019 to reflect on what we did well this year, and what we feel we could have done better. Are we letting this cold wintery summer affect how we feel about ourselves and how we are showing up in the world? This isn’t about the judgement and negativity, more about the how can I be more responsible for my own happiness in the future. And with the new decade fast approaching it is a good time to be reflecting on not just what we want to do next year but also how we want to BE!

Enjoy feeling the happiness from within!

Can You See the King and the Pawn in Yourself?



“Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.” Anon

I don’t know anything about chess, but like any game, the results mean nothing in the scheme of things.  This was a big lesson for an old coach of mine who was playing monopoly with older family members.  Each time they pulled out the board she longed to win, to show them that she was worth taking notice of.  Then finally the day came when filled with excitement, she got to her goal.  But it was a very empty excitement when her mother called them for dinner & tipped the game back into a box.  What she learnt, it was just a game, that we need to let go of any attachment to the outcome as is the case in life.

However, the other lesson we can learn from this quote, is that within every shape or colour we are all the same.  No matter what we do in life whether the surgeon, the film star or the street sweeper, we are all the same.  We are all part of the universe like a cell of a body.  We all have a part to play, a strength that can benefit the whole.  So this other person who is either pushing your button or whom you admire, is just a reflection of yourself.  So take note where you might recognise the ‘king’ or ‘pawn’ in someone else & where you might find it in yourself.  This can be a helpful lesson.

Enjoy recognising the king or pawn in yourself!

Who Daydreams Any More?



“Decide…. whether or not the goal is worth the risks involved. If it is, stop worrying….”  Amelia Earhart

Do you know what your goals are? Have you done any planning around them?

Do you know there are 3 different types of goals!: the ones that you know you can accomplish because you know exactly what to do; secondly the ones you think you can do, like buying a house and the agent is there to help you; thirdly the real fantasy type ones that scare and excite you at the same time. If this last one really ignites your passion then that big WHY will take you past the hurdles of setbacks, discouragement and listening to the negative voices in your head. Because these big ideas light up a different part of the brain, we need to keep the goals separate from the big dreams or Aspirations that we have.The goals will be part of the strategic steps we take along the way.

I know you’ve probably been getting a ton of emails advising you to start now, pleading with you to take the next step and trying to put you into the mindset that you need their help. Research shows that if we write down our goals we have more likelihood of achieving them. But I read conflicting advice about whether we should consistently say them throughout the day, or once we have written them down and asked the universe to help we achieve them by staying in the right energy – you have done your bit as far as the metaphysical idea of asking is concerned  and you then shall receive. Either way, if you have faith that you can achieve this goal you are more likely to get there. So stop worrying about how that is going to happen! Apparently that is not our business. As we work on our ideas, the how will come to us and the path can seem easier to achieve than it had when we were worrying our day away.

Enjoy setting, planning and achieving your goals!