“Habits are safer than rules, you don’t have to watch them. And you don’t have to keep them either…. They keep you.” 

Are your habits keeping you?

I am in the midst of preparing a Mater Class that I will run at the end of the month. In that I mention habits or patterns of behaviour that are being driven by our subconscious minds. Sometimes it is a behaviour we have been taught by our parents & we actually don’t realise that there is in fact another way to do things. I found this out when I yelled at a teacher & felt the shame of exhibiting a behaviour that was not allowed in our house. Only to find our years later that the teacher just accepted it as behaviour from a little person having to learn how to manage her emotions.  She didn’t regard it as shameful. We can also have habits we develop to protect ourselves & really we don’t need them anymore.

We can have habits that we are happy to keep, and there are some that we really want to let go of but the conscious mind isn’t strong enough to ‘muscle’ it out. Like smoking or wanting to lose weight, the subconscious wins a lot of the time. So we have to be sneaky to slip under the radar so to speak. When I first started doing my coaching training we had to look at a list of limiting beliefs and pick one that resonated. It was then suggested that that we just say the opposite. “No way.” said my subconscious, “I don’t believe one piece of that.” Later I learnt a tapping technique, to go ‘grey’ rather than black or white, by saying I choose to believe….. It’s not such absolute language & somehow it tricks the subconscious. Often we feel pleased we have got the upper hand on that one, then something else crops up, or something big triggers us again. This is apparently lifetime work folks – if you come to coaching I don’t expect you to come for life. We can learn skills that we practice going forward.

Enjoy changing those habits that you don’t want to keep you anymore!

“A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more.”  Rosabeth Moss Kanter

Have you a vision of who you would like to be or a life you would like to have?  This is more than a goal.  A goal could be to clean out the garage on a rainy day, hardly something inspiring for your life.  But that goal could be a step along the way to reaching the vision of how you see your life.

Just as we have been taught to write our goals in the present tense, we can write our vision as though we are living it right now.  The subconscious doesn’t have a concept of the future, it accepts the instructions as though you are living your dream in the present.

As you build this picture with words or as some do, a vision board of images that represent your dream life, remember some questions that need to be asked.

Is this dream worthy of me, do I want to give up my life for trying to achieve it.

Does my dream make me feel alive?  If not you will give up at the first hurdle.

Is it in line with my core values, do you know what they are?  You certainly won’t achieve something that doesn’t line up with what you believe about life.

Is this dream going to require me to grow?  Everything in nature is growing all the time.  It won’t stimulate us if we’re not growing.

Do I need help from a higher power?  Whether that be from another human being or whether you need intuitive guidance.

Is there some good in my dream for others?  A beautiful garden can be a real sense of joy for people walking by.

You need to answer ‘YES’ to all these questions.  If not you may need to go back to the drawing board and work out where the changes need to be made for you to grow into your vision.

Enjoy constructing your life!

“I use memories, but I do not allow memories to use me.”  Lord Shiva

I found this quote on the ‘Tapping Solution’ app. They are about to run a challenge called, “You Are Enough.” I have used EFT or Meridian Tapping since I started on this coaching journey. It was what an energy healer used with me when I went to her for help when I was feeling so low, anxious & fearful. So this turn-around is a memory that I want to keep & use over and over. I want to remember how helpful it was when I was feeling so stuck.

We all have patterns of behaviour in response to what is coming up inside of us. We created these strategies when we were very young & they were all about keeping us safe. Every hurt, no matter how big or small, creates a strategy to cope with life. Strategies are resources that serve us in survival times. They are needed and allow us to survive. However as we get older and no longer in that survival experience these strategies or patterns are no longer needed. We don’t want those memories to ‘use’ us and create the patterns that we repeat over and over. We can however use them, to remind us that we don’t need those specific behaviours any more.

As an adult we don’t always realise that it is these strategies developed as a child that are driving all our behaviours and ways of being. Now that the scientific world has found that our brains are not static as once thought, but that they are plastic, in other words mouldable, we can choose to make the changes to those strategies that we want. This is where Tapping can come in – it is just one technique that people find helpful and because I am one of them I may use it with my clients as needed. If this challenge sounds like something that appeals, google The Tapping Solution challenge.

Enjoy changing those habits of a lifetime!

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.” Simon Sinek

I was watching a very short video clip of Simon Sinek being interviewed. This quote touched on a subject that is dear to my heart.

Yea yea I hear ya. Stress is a boring subject!! YES it bores into your very being. It stops your health in its tracks. It stops your weight loss in its tracks. And if it goes on long enough, it will stop you in your tracks!

The worst thing is we don’t always know what is causing our stress, because it doesn’t have to be a major deal!  It can be insidious day to day happenings, leaving us feeling anxious and we don’t always understand why.

But you know what one of the worst stressors for a lot of us is? The lies we tell ourselves over and over. That we’re not good enough, that we don’t have what it takes, that we’re too young, too old too….. fill in the blank. The great thing about this is, we are the ones responsible for doing that, so we are the ones who can be responsible for changing it. What can you do today to change 1 little thing?

One small thing I did, was to change what I eat for breakfast each day – according to what my biology needs to reduce one form of stress.

Enjoy listening to what your body needs!

“Some people succeed because they are destined to, but most people succeed because they are determined to.”

Not sure whose quote this is, but if we look at the writing of Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich,” he has a whole chapter devoted to Persistence. I know it isn’t quite the same as ‘determined,’ but you certainly have to have persistence to succeed at whatever you want, especially when there are setbacks. Some might argue that we are all destined to succeed at something but it doesn’t matter whether we are simply destined or determined, there still has to be some sort of belief that you have what it takes to get there and you take the necessary inspired action to get you over the line.

Hill also talks about the ‘Decision’ part of the process. Some of us choose to put one step in front of the other without querying whether we are living our purpose or not. This in itself is a decision. However there are others who make the decision to step outside what they have been doing, because there is something calling them to do something different.

The word success then comes into question. What does success look like to you? We may all have a different concept of what success looks like. It may be to be a good parent. It may be to achieve something we have been trying to do for a while & we finally crack it. Today, I finally cleaned my car after months of seeing that it needed it, but doing nothing about it – I call that success as well. Unfortunately, there is so much written that leads us to believe that we can only consider ourselves successful when we’ve hit the big time, & get national or even international acclaim.

Only you can know whether you are destined or determined and indeed whether you are successful.

Enjoy taking the journey towards your established success!

“The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”  Henri J. M Nouwen

I have often said that I was put on this earth to learn patience. It has not been a strong point for me. My HealthType® causes me to make quick decisions in fact, do everything quickly. This has been sorely tested over the past week in particular, with some stuff going on in my wider family. I had to talk to myself regularly to, “Let go and step back from the situation.”

In the end the outcome I thought should happen, did, and now this family member is ecstatic about the outcome. But it is his life and he had to see the way for himself, hard and all as it is standing by. As frustrating as it was to see the decision struggle, ultimately, I couldn’t make it for him and actually didn’t want to as there were risks involved and if the outcome hadn’t been as good as it is I might have regretted encouraging him.

So now I personally have to continue on my journey, focusing on the Letting go of the control I think I have over certain outcomes. I don’t. None of us do, but there is a paradox in the Law of Attraction. We can put out our desires to the universe but then we have to let go of the attachment to that outcome.

Patience dear friends, patience, to let life unfold in its own Divine timing!

That can be difficult in this time of the instant everything. Our beliefs play a huge part & attached to those, are the words we use to ourselves & to the world, reinforcing the understanding of what we think we deserve, what we were told as children or how we were treated, that have created those beliefs in the first place. That story of our past never has to continue. We can write the future the way we want if we believe we can. This is where the patience comes in to keep putting one foot in front of the other towards the life we want & hold on to the belief that it can & will happen as long as we don’t keep thinking about the negatives of our situation.

Enjoy being patient in the face of adversity!

“Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.”   David M. Burns

Years ago I tried a couple of business projects that didn’t turn out that well. I felt like a failure and that’s when I became unwell. As the author says I was definitely behaving in a perfectionistic way with expectations of myself that were quite unrealistic.  Now I look back I realize I really hadn’t acknowledged how much time and effort had gone into my previous schooling and learning. I expected that I would be at the same level of expertise in a completely different venture straight away. By working hard in the past I had got there but my ideas of doing everything perfectly, let me down. Of course hindsight has also helped me to see, that ‘failing’ was really just a pivot point to start the coaching that I have loved.

It took a while for the recovering perfectionist in me to accept, that I am allowed to be human like everyone else on the planet. We all know it’s not pleasant to be judged by others, and it is often this that makes us fearful of trying new things or being comfortable to ‘fail.’ This can depend on the expectations of us when youngsters. We may grow up thinking that things have to be done a certain way, when in fact others around us don’t have those same rules. As adults we take over the judgement of ourselves. Once we let go of the need to do things perfectly, the stress hormones in our brain calm down, allowing the executive brain to function in a more productive way. And paradoxically we are already perfect anyway!

Enjoy being a perfectly imperfect human!

“The most common trait I have found in all successful people is that they have conquered the temptation to give up.”   Peter Lowe

Giving up can look tempting at times can’t it! Knowing what you want to do with your life and having a clear path ahead is a great WHY to keep us ‘going when the going gets tough.’ I am doing a programme at the moment that brought me back to what is it I want to achieve with my business. Sometimes the answers to these sorts of questions can change depending on our circumstances – personal and around the world. Covid may have given you a shake-up leaving you wondering what your life is about. Some of us may be happy to be shut up inside for the majority of the time, especially when your city is inches deep in snow, but others may feel too restrained and it might not sit with your biology at all. I’m in the latter group, so having a good zoom connection with friends, family and work related calls made it bearable. I didn’t give up but I didn’t work at my usual level either.

My Dad used to say, “Moderation in all things.” And what that crazy time, for me here in NZ, brought out was an acceptance that judging myself wasn’t going to solve anything. I needed to listen to what I felt deep inside was what I needed to do TODAY to move me towards my goals. It may seem easier to turn your back on those things that may seem hard but in the long run we all know we could look back with regrets if we don’t live the purpose we came on to this earth to do. If we know that, it can guide us to get up one more day, and do the things we don’t want to do. Because ultimately that is what will move us towards our purpose and the legacy we came into this world to leave. Does that inspire you to keep going even when it seems too hard? Letting that inner nudge have its way may be all you need to reach the success you want – whatever that word success means to you.

Enjoy “conquering the temptation” to give up!

“Don’t just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it.”   Jim Rohn.

I am often using Jim Rohn quotes for my weekly Rejuvenating Thoughts. Jim Rohn was one of the first motivational speakers who I really resonated with. He didn’t appear to be full of hype and fluff. I have heard him talked of as ‘Gentleman Jim’ and this is how I saw him, with lots of wisdom about the personal development world that I had entered when I first went into a MLM business hundreds of years ago. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since then but he still holds my interest when I listen to his tapes – remember those days! In posting this quote I’m not advocating that you should never ready an entertaining book because a good fictional book can be an enjoyable experience. Often I am reading more than one human growth and development book at once, dipping into them as the mood fits. Sometimes I will pick up a book (or my iPad) and read something I have read before and find some new information that I didn’t think I had read before. This is because we will only pick up the information in the material that resonates with us. If we are continually reading articles and books that help us grow, when we pick that material up a year from now we will be different people with a completely different understanding.

I  definitely, feel a drive to grow, just like a weed will push through the tiniest crack in concrete. I was speaking to a friend in the weekend whose 8 year old grandson can’t get his hands on enough material that he can read and understand about animals. For someone else it may be technical details, that helps them grow. What is it for you? I know it’s not the same reading a digital book but I find I love to have that instant availability, not waiting for several weeks especially when the local bookstores don’t stock what you want. The digital copies also make it possible to afford more books or failing that the library can be an excellent source of reading material that will help you ‘grow.’ I remember once hearing Jim Rohn saying something to the effect that most people spend more on their toilet paper than they do on material that will enhance their minds.

I will finish with another of his quotes about books, “It isn’t what the book costs. It’s what it will cost if you don’t read it.”

Enjoy growing with reading!

As the first official break for the New Zealand year since New Year has come around I am reflecting on what I did & didn’t achieve in the month that has already been & gone. I could focus on what I haven’t done because I like to be able to tick things off my list & if that doesn’t happen my inner critic can pull me down. This is a choice that will take me down the rabbit hole to a dark place of ‘not feeling good enough’ or ‘I haven’t got what it takes sort of messages.’ This can change our whole physiology so that it feels stressed.

Stress is not all about the physical pressures we encounter in our day-to-day lives, but more about the habits and patterns of responses we have to everything going on in our lives. It can be about the thoughts and beliefs that arise as we encounter an external person with their comments, or the internal voice who has just as much to say on a daily basis. He or she can tell us all sorts of things that don’t empower us to be the best we can, or to grow in some way. Instead, it can drag us to a place we DON’T want to be.

Stress can also be a biological reaction to not doing the things that we know we want to do, or doing things that others feel we should do and we make that a higher priority than our biology thinks it should be. Timing is everything when we are looking at our biological health. Even something simple as when we go to bed, how much sleep we get, and how early we get up. Your Health type may not operate well when you live according to the majority of other’s ‘clocks.’  This could be a stressor to your body. My ‘Type’ needs to get up and start moving at a time that appears to be ‘normal’ to the majority, but you may need to get up later and take your time to hit your peak later in the morning. When this is recognised by you and those around you, so the nagging or snide comments stop, your biology will feel the relief and be at peace.

Enjoy living according to your chronobiology!