Are You Aware of Your Inner Bully?

I have just been reading an article and thought you might like to hear what advice the author was putting out. She was acknowledging the journey she has been on with the self-talk that she used to accept. Not any more! The problem is, we believe the nasty things we say, the judgements and criticisms. We all do it, and if we can learn how to reframe those thoughts, we can change the way we feel about ourselves on a daily basis. I was speaking to a client earlier today who said, “I’m my own worst enemy,” and we all can be but we don’t have to be all the time or even most of the time.

Sandy Woznicki highlighted 6 steps that she has found very helpful and I’ll put the link at the bottom so you can read the full blog article if you choose.

Step 1: Say hello – recognising that this voice is not actually you, can help step back and see the link to a voice from your past that is trying to keep you safe.

Step 2: Change how you experience the bully – this is the reframing I was talking about above. Reframing any situation that you don’t like or feel uncomfortable with is a great tool.

Step 3: Find the positive intent – these voices are always wanting the best for us and trying to protect us from doing something they think is out of our league.

Step 4: Choose a neutral or positive thought instead – instead of completely going to the other end of the belief system, add in another word like choose. E.g. I’m choosing to believe…. Or adding the word ‘yet’ e.g. I can’t do that yet!

Step 5: Give yourself permission to be imperfect – this is huge for a lot of people who have been brought up with the saying, “If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all.” Sandy suggests writing yourself a permission slip to be imperfect. I, Robyn, give myself permission to run a webinar and not do it perfectly.”

Step 6: Know that you are not alone and can ask for help if you need it. Even a good friend can usually help you see the positive things about you and support you to stay on track with the first 5 steps. And usually we can also find out that they have similar conversations in their heads too and that can be reassuring.

Enjoy standing up to your inner bully!

Here’s the Link

Are Your Dreams to be a World Leader?

“There is no passion to be found playing small in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”  Nelson Mandela

Imagine what would have happened for his people, if Mandela had chosen to live a small life & not pushed forward through thick & thin to hold true to his dream!  What dream do you have that is pulling you forward to be bigger than you presently are?  Small dreams are a good start but they may not hold the passion to ultimately get you where you want to go.  That small dream may only be considered a goal or one step along the journey.  Mary Morrissey talks about asking yourself several questions about that big dream: is it worthy of me (giving up my life for it); does my dream make me feel alive; does it fit with my core values – do you know what your core values are – the dream won’t feel good if it doesn’t fit with your core values; is the dream going to require me to grow; do I need help from a Higher power to accomplish this dream; is there some good in my dream for others?

If you answered YES to all those questions then you will have a lot more Passion & a bigger WHY to fuel your desires & push, to pass any obstacles.  Nelson Mandela must have had a huge passion to overcome all the obstacles he faced.  You may not want to be a world leader, but what is the life you could be capable of living, if you gave yourself permission to get excited & passionate about your dream, despite the setbacks?  So that you would then take some action to live that life?

Enjoy living the life you are capable of!

Are You Like a Dog With a Bone?

“It’s not about perfect. It’s about EFFORT. And when you implement that effort into life, every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs. Keep going. Remember why you started.”

I’m in an organisation that is trying to help all of us who are enrolled, to do exactly what this quote is about. They call it the DMO or daily Method of Operation. They are encouraging us to ‘implement any effort’ we are putting into our business, ‘every single day.’ Depending on our personality and the way we have been brought up, we may strive for perfection. In doing so, we don’t actually do the activity regularly because we can’t achieve that perfection and give up, only to try again in a day or 2 when we get the nudge from our coach or mentor. It is that persistence that Napoleon Hill talks about in his book, ‘Think and Grow Rich.’ He says, “this quality is to character what carbon is to steel.” Knowing WHY you are doing what you are doing is an important driver. Having the desire and the WHY is paramount to get anything started, but we need the added will power to keep us going when things get tough.

For a lot of people those times are tough right now! Giving up is not really an option unless you have a rich benefactor who is there to prop you up. The problem is, when we give up we can resort to victim thinking…. Blaming and justifying are 2 characteristics of being a victim. And the problem with feeling like a victim is that our situation can only get better when that other person, workplace or government, changes that thing that is affecting us. The only way to move forward is to reframe the problem, refocus our attention to a solution and redirect our energy to get the result we want for ourselves, rather than waiting for someone or something else to change. When you go to the doctor he makes his diagnosis and based on that, he might dish you out a prescription. He has several different choices and you may not respond the way you would like to the first option. But the doc and you, presuming he has the diagnosis correct, will search until you find the magic solution. If your WHY doesn’t change, then you may have to look at more than one solution before you make the change you desire. The responsibility is yours, the persistence is yours and then the effort that pays off is YOURS!

Enjoy doing a reframe and refocus, then redirect your energy into that solution daily!

What Are You Doing With Your Magnetic Mind?

“The mind is a powerful force. It can enslave us or empower us. It can plunge us into the depths of failure or take us to the heights of success. Learn to use the power wisely.”

We are seeing signs of the power of the mind as we traverse the times of Covid 19. The instructions from the medical personnel, both here & in other countries, all served to make people believe the world was about to end if we didn’t obey all their commands. Whether we did (believe them or obey them) or not is another matter & not a subject for this newsletter. But there was a level of fear & anxiety in a large proportion of the population and not all about the pandemic as such. On top of that, the finances of a huge number of people have been affected to the point where they have either lost their jobs or expecting to. Either way the effects on the brain from the stress we are experiencing is creating a sense of enslavement.

The sooner we can turn that around to empowerment the better. It not only makes us feel a lot better but it also changes the frequency of the thought patterns that go out. Collectively this can make a huge difference to the frequency of the world’s patterns. I know this sounds like woo woo, but probably when they first realised that the world wasn’t flat, those who believed the world was round were probably thought of as woo woo.  Quantum physicists are proving to us constantly & it’s like gravity, whether you believe it or not, gravity is still working here on earth. The only reason it is harder to use the power of our minds in a positive way is because we have been thinking ‘in a different groove’ for so long, that we need to focus on where our attention is, become aware until it is what is called unconscious competence. In other words we are doing something without thinking about it.

If we can all do this, I think there is hope for the earth, the world. But even if a large percentage of us can commit to this undertaking, it will probably be the most meaningful thing you have done in your life. This is a way we can all ‘save the planet.’ And no this is not a ‘pie in the sky’ idea. Everything in the universe is connected by our energetic frequencies. Let’s do this! Believe in your power to connect your thoughts with everyone else who has a similar ideology, to bring this world into a better way. Thanks for your contribution!!

Enjoy this process & the anxiety will start to evaporate!

How Many of You Have Had Your Dreams and Vision Disrupted?

“Imagine what you would do if you could do all you can?”  Anon

How many of you have a vision or a goal of what you want to achieve in the next few months, the next year or your lifetime? I know the global situation may have disrupted what you thought you wanted. But this doesn’t mean stop having a vision and goals. You’ve heard me rant on about the Law of Attraction, and it is a natural Law, just like the Law of Gravity & I’m sure you all take that seriously. A Law that works along with your beliefs. If you believe that you can achieve a certain thing, then you will. So let me ask you, how many of you think you are achieving your potential? How many of you believe you can, really believe right down to your core?

For many of us the belief is only superficial. The conditioning of our minds from parents, teachers, siblings and others, has the core of us believing things about ourselves that aren’t true. There is another quote I could have used today from Les Brown, that amazing motivational speaker who started off in life from a very impoverished situation. But the encouragement of one teacher helped him see that his whole life didn’t have to stay that way. The quote? “Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.” Just in last couple of days I’ve heard of people being put down on Facebook. One woman I heard of who has a huge following & does some great work. But because she chose not to support the blacks in her business group, chose not to use her group as a political soap box she was singled out and got a lot of very negative comments. If we don’t allow ourselves to see this for what it is and take those comments to heart, and put ourselves down, we have allowed those opinions of others to bring us down. This does not support the Law of Attraction in a positive way. The Law of Attraction is ALWAYS working, but it depends what frequency you are putting out, what comes back to you.

So really imagine or visualise what you would do if you believed that you could do all that you can. Not 30%. Not 50%. But 100%!

Enjoy doing ALL that you can!

Have You Got New Intentions Coming Out of Lockdown?

“You cannot change anything in your life with intention alone, which can become a watered-down, occasional hope that you’ll get to it tomorrow.  Intention without action is useless.”  Caroline Myss

Think back to yesterday.  What was your intention to do with that day, that would never come again?  Did you take action on your plans – even if that was to take time out to do something restful, relaxing and charging of the batteries? Not making a decision or intention is making a decision that those hours of time are unimportant. It doesn’t mean that we have to jam pack every spare moment with activity but having made a decision to spend a couple of hours with parents or grandparents, can be relaxing down time that is meaningful to your life.

Yes I know it can be overwhelming when we look at our to-do list even on a Sunday, so keep the intentions to a list that could be achieved in a day.  Then celebrate your achievements.

As well as intention of what we want to do, have you thought about how you want to ‘be’ in the day you have ahead of you?  And if so, do the 2 lists match up.  Are you happy, grateful and compassionate or are you so busy ‘doing,’ that you don’t have time to smile or say hello to a stranger. Post Covid-19 I’m fascinated with the number of people who still can’t say hello back or even smile at me when I attempt to connect. I know there is still a lot of fear and anxiety around, so I have to have compassion for them that they can’t even smile when I say hello. I remember years ago when doing our big OE & I went to Austria on a ski trip. The village where we stayed was very little and the residents could have very easily got sick and tired of the influx of visitors in the ski season, but I never ever got a sense of that. There was always a smile on their face, a nod of the head and the words GrÜß Gott which I understood to mean, “may God greet you.” I always felt welcomed by those people. That is an intention, followed by the smallest of actions that speaks volumes.

Enjoy living with intention and action!

Caroline Myss is a medical intuitive, prolific writer and international speaker with work that really makes you think.

Change Others or Change Yourself!

“Before you try to change others, remember how hard it is to change yourself.”  Bill Bluestein

Covid-19 has certainly sorted us out. Those of us who always work from home anyway and nothing much has changed; those of us who have had to bring our business home, our kids and their schoolwork home and our partners trying to work from home as well, creating a stressful chaotic time; those of us who have decided to make the most of the stay home enforcement and spent time in nature, doing the yoga provided on TV, and generally spending time looking inwards. Whatever our circumstances there may have been things that have cropped up, that boldly stare us in the face and tell us it is time to change.

When looking at the conscious and subconscious minds the conscious part is like the piece of iceberg above the water.  It is with the conscious or intellectual mind that we make our New Year’s resolution or other statements from our will.  However the subconscious is the part under the water that actually controls everything we do.  It remembers everything we have done and said. It wants to keep us safe from repeating things it sees as a mistake or failure from our past. So when we try to work on a new habit it keeps telling us there is no point because we messed up last time, or whatever your story is.  We may need to look beyond the obvious when we have difficulty changing some of those habits. E.g. eating too much, smoking!

Recognizing those unhelpful or limiting beliefs are there, and that they no longer hold true, starts us on the road to making the changes we really want to make.  We probably have our work cut out to spend that time on ourselves rather than focusing on the habits of our closest and dearest.  Before thinking about what needs to be changed in others it may pay to take a long hard look in the mirror.

It may also be helpful to realize, that what we have noticed in others, is probably something we would recognize in ourselves if we turned the attention inwards.  And strange as it may seem, if we make those changes within ourselves what then is reflected back to us has changed.  Which takes me back to the quote I have on my website, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”

Enjoy making the necessary changes in yourself!

What Are You Dragging Through Life That is Weighing You Down?

“Even better than ceaselessly pushing that boulder to the top of the mountain, is letting go of what you no longer need to carry.”  Author unknown

Sometimes we cling on to a situation we really don’t like, because it is familiar & it is too scary to take a step into the new direction.  We fear the unknown more than a future in a life that is not nurturing the development of our life’s purpose.  A life that is frustrating, because we keep repeating the same job, the same relationships, the same mindless activities & we’re not living with the passion we were born with.  Pretty much everything that aggravates us is something we are free to leave behind if we choose to. And now is a time a lot of us are having to make the change, we no longer have the choice, it has been forced on us. Unfortunately you may not feel you can get support from others around you because we are all going through some form of discomfort, upheaval, cr..!

So now may be the time that the universe is asking you to step up, to do something maybe you have been wanting to do for a while but haven’t chosen to do that YET! I was hearing yesterday that it took an acquaintance to be electrocuted to jolt her into the reality of her situation. She hasn’t looked back. Once we are through whatever and we look back we realise that whatever that horrible situation called us to do has actually been one of the best things that happened to us – they say hindsight is a great thing.

But maybe Covid hasn’t changed a lot physically, maybe it has changed your thinking or your perception of the parts of your life that you unhappy to stay in and you want to let go of. If you’re struggling with a goal, a job or relationship it could be a sign that you’re being called to make new choices & head in a new direction.  I think back to when my children were small.  They often got cranky just before they made the next milestone.  Have you heard the phrase, “Whatever you resist, persists?”  What is it going to take, to let go of your past beliefs that are holding you back, causing you anxieties & fears?

So what can you let go of to lighten your load?

Enjoy lightening the load!

What Gear Are You Choosing Today?

“You only have control over three things in your life – the thoughts you think, the images you visualize and the actions you take.  And how you use those three things determines everything you experience.”  Jack Canfield, Author and Speaker.

Most of us have heard of the quote that says we become what we think about or what we focus on most of the time.  The thoughts we have, cause us to feel a certain way and those feelings in turn cause us to act in a certain way and become the results of our lives.  This then can become like an endless circle and unless we break the cycle at the thought stage it will be pretty much impossible to alter our feelings and actions.  If you watch someone’s behaviour you can work out what they have been thinking.  And what we are thinking now affects the future. At the moment a lot of people have been feeling fear and anxiety about what is going on in the world. The fear can be about the basics of life – having to walk closer to someone than we’ve been told is safe. But usually we consider that fear is about the future. So if we do walk too close to someone what could happen down the track if they pass on some infection to me? Unless we do something to change it, that low grade anxiety can hum along and affect our ability to think clearly or make good decisions. The other major emotion that is affecting a lot of people is grief. Grief is not only about ‘loosing’ a person, it can be about the loss of our job, our connection with other human beings, especially family and friends or it could be about the loss of our way of life as we have known it.

We have the choice about the thoughts and emotions we have, and we can choose to change them at any given moment and therefore change the outcome of our feelings and actions.  If you are feeling low, you are the only person responsible for that. Yes something may be going on around us that we are blaming but we can choose to not allow ourselves to get sucked into that negative vortex.  So often those low thoughts are not truths, so ask yourself is it worth thinking them if they are going to make you feel so blue. I have talked before about energy levels that we are broadcasting out to the world. Those vibrations are going to depend on how you are feeling in that moment. None of us knows what is going to happen in the future so why not think hopeful optimistic thoughts rather than the low energy thoughts. Just think how much better you could feel if you didn’t think those particular low energy thoughts.

Enjoy changing the gears of your thoughts!

Do You Trust Yourself in this New Emerging World?

“The brain is designed for one purpose: to get whatever it needs from the environment to grow stronger and bigger. And that is not a definition of happiness, it is a definition of wealth.”  Mark Waldman

Mark is a neuroscientist, researching all the time to find out how our brains work and why that is important. Information that we were given 10-20 years ago is being re-written. We have much better tools for testing, including functional MRI. We can see in real time what is lighting up in different areas of the brain when certain emotions are felt or when certain words are said. Years ago I had an aversion to the word ‘faith’ because of its connection to organised religion. And I have spoken to others who feel the same way. We all have choices to decide how we are going to handle that discomfort we feel when others use a word that has such deep connections. Last week I was talking in a group who were on the same training as I was as we worked towards certification in Conversational Intelligence coaching. At the moment I’m hearing the word ‘hope’ a lot so I asked the group what their take was in the difference between hope and faith. We all agreed that hope was more like wishing whereas faith gave more of a sense of certainty.

One of the other women has also had an aversion to the word faith. I had worked through my discomfort by accepting that the word faith didn’t really have anything to do with religion as such and I was reminded of a quote, “faith is the sound that the song bird makes before the dawn.” The other women has virtually taken the word faith out of her vocabulary and replaced it with trust. We know from our training that trust is experienced in the front part of the brain where we can see the big picture, where we make decisions, where there are mirror neurons that cause us to feel empathy for others and where the hormone oxytocin is produced. However distrust is in the part of the brain that has the stress response and it puts out cortisol that shuts down the part of the brain that houses TRUST.

Why is this important? I feel our new world is about connection more than ever and most of us have felt the truth of that while ‘hiding’ in our bubbles. We have had to get creative to find ways to make those connections we feel are worth continuing. And this trust part of the brain needs to be firing for us to make meaningful connections, the hugging hormone oxytocin needs to be flowing, for some more than others depending on the type of person we have biologically been born into this world to be. No 2 people have the same reasons to find happiness or wealth – and this doesn’t have to mean money, there are so many ways to feel wealthy. Let’s acknowledge that, be grateful for that and shore up those connections that make us feel happy and wealthy with TRUST!

Enjoy the choices you are making as the world turns on its head!