“You owe it to yourself to be everything that you’ve ever dreamed of being.”
I have been on a training this weekend and we have been reminded that we need to be disciplined and consistent if we want to achieve what we want in life. However I am constantly finding clients who keep ‘falling over,’ and this is what our coaching sessions are about, to find out what is in their belief system that is causing this to happen. This quote was on an exercise & healthy eating website & I was reminded of a book, “Childhood Disrupted, How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal,” written by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. In the research she did for the book she found that there is an Adverse Childhood Event/Experience questionnaire that closely correlates the major illnesses we can have as we get older, and end up in hospital.
The doctor who came up with the concept of the questionnaire was having great results with people with a lot of weight to lose but he found a group of them would fall off the wagon just as they were about to hit their goal weight. On questioning, he found that a high percentage of them had had some trauma as a child in their formative years. They then took that same questionnaire into the hospitals to 26,000 white collar workers who had been admitted with heart attacks, cancer, autoimmune diseases and major depression. There was a very high correlation, and the childhood events weren’t always as major as we might all think. One of the worst was inconsistency in the behaviour of the parents, with children never quite knowing what Mum or Dad was going to be like today, so they became hypervigilant leading to anxiety that carried on into adulthood.
So next time you feel yourself letting go of another dream, remember that it may not all be your fault. We don’t want to stay hung up in blame, but we can start to be understanding and loving towards ourselves for whatever our form of ‘wounding’ is, and remind ourselves that was then, and we don’t have to live by those same rules any more. We can step forward into everything we have ever dreamed of being.
Enjoy taking steps towards your dream. You owe it to yourself!
I feel moved to look at a quote from Wayne Dyer today. He had a strong influence on my need to connect with my own spirituality. When I heard he was speaking in Auckland a 5 years ago, I was very keen to be present. I felt lucky that I was part of that audience 2 days before he died.
“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”
In light of his passing on August the 29th this is a very poignant quote. He had not long finished writing a book about his life, “I Can See Clearly Now.” This was one of the 42 he wrote. He certainly lived the words of this quote, showed us how to do it. Judging from all the tributes that were on face book and on various websites, his fans felt he would be sorely missed. However we can still gain positive, uplifting help from his many books and audio contributions.
He seemed dedicated to reaching out to as many people as he could, to help us live as spiritual beings in a human body. He was not someone who was born with a silver spoon is mouth. He was very public about his relationship with his alcoholic father who abandoned the family, leading to him spending many of his formative years in orphanages and social homes.
And then how his life turned around when he visited the grave of his father and turned his feelings of hate and vengeance to love and forgiveness. Our past helps to mould who we are today, but we don’t have to continue to live a life that could be restricting our future thoughts and actions. I am often talking about the choices we make in life, so I am finishing with another of Wayne’s quotes:
“Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made.”
RIP Wayne Dyer
Enjoy living each day!
“If we cling to the idea of hope in the future, we might not notice the peace and joy that are available in the present moment. The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.” Tich Nhat Hanh
Tich Nhat Hanh is one of the first people I heard talking about mindfulness and living in every moment. This morning I went on a webinar that was run by a health group who all live by their understanding of the epigenetic group that their body is ruled by. I may have mentioned this before. Each one of us belongs in one of 6 groups according to our bio-energetics.
We have understood over the years, that there is a thing called genetics, which we believed were set in concrete. It turns out however that there are some that are permanent and others that can be transformed. The ones we can change are talked about as epigenetics. Each one of these 6 different epigenetic types are driven by a set of different hormones or chemicals.
So this morning, one person from each epigenetic group was answering questions about how they saw mindfulness. It was interesting to hear how each person who talked had a different perspective on what the act of mindfulness meant to them, and how and when was their best time of the day. These characteristics they talked about, are commonalities for their group so a lot of light bulbs going off for those of us who could relate to what the representative from our group was saying.
At the end of the day each one was talking about the same thing, using the moment, to drop out of our busyness and enjoy the moment for what it is. We can stop waiting for some magical perfect moment in the future and live it right now!
Enjoy being mindful at some stage every day!
“Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” Author unknown
Like my father I was born a worrier. My conscious mind knows it does me no good to use up my precious energy on worrying about things that may never happen – see the cartoon. Why live in a stressful future before we have to! Worry also pumps up the stress hormones and we make up more stories built on thoughts beliefs and memories. At the moment worry is a predominant baseline emotion for a lot of people!
However I have been conditioned since a young girl. We may have got the message that we look important if we have a lot of problems. Or that we like the drama & don’t have enough without worrying. Being addicted to adrenaline could be seen as a way to fulfill the human need of excitement – not a very healthy way to get it, but drama could fuel that need. Or we simply may have no idea, it’s just the lessons we were given that worrying is the behaviour of choice.
So I’m constantly using all the tools I have learnt over the years such as replacing the worry thoughts that are disempowering with more empowering ones; use the what if phrase in a more positive sense thinking about the things that could go right; do some mindful deep breathing which brings us back from the future to the present; and do this crazy thing called meridian tapping that you may have heard about. Whatever it is that works for you, I suggest you get yourself off the worry rocking chair & do something that keeps you in the present.
Enjoy deactivating the worry button!
“Happiness is contagious. Start an epidemic today!” – Anon
Being happy is a choice. If we wait for outside circumstances to make us happy we may be waiting for a long time. If we choose to be happy no matter what, we will attract people to us who will appreciate being around a positive happy person. Think about who you would rather be with – a grumpy judgmental person or a happy person, full of possibilities? And at this time in history we could choose to be fearful especially if we listen to everything the media is churning out about the pandemic!
Have you heard of being mindful? This is being 100% in the moment of what you are doing. Not nodding at your child as they tell you about their school adventures, while your mind is thinking about other things. Not going for a lovely walk along the beach or other nature habitats, but completely oblivious to the screech of the gulls or the cheep of the fantail, because other things are occupying your mind. Choose to be happy in this very moment regardless of circumstances.
We can’t be happy in the past, it’s been and gone (we can remember an event that brings a smile to our lips.) We can’t be happy in the future because it’s not here yet (we can visualize happiness at some time ahead of us.) But why not try being happy for no reason, right now & now & now!
Put a smile on your face and others will start wondering what you are up to, or want what you’ve got. It’s hard not to smile when someone else smiles at you. It uses less muscles and the feel good chemicals are released which can only be good for your health. The fear being spread around at the moment winds up the stress centre and cortisol is pumped out, making it so much harder to feel any happiness which in turn affects our immune system. So let’s all work on spreading the happiness pandemic, it could be contagious!
Enjoy smiling and choosing to be HAPPY!
Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.” Robert Schuller (Pastor, Motivational Speaker & Author)
The Olympics or Commonwealth Games attract large groups of people from all over the world who spend countless hours watching the skill of people who have a passion for the sport they’re involved in. These athletes are prepared to spend a huge chunk of their lives practising & perfecting their sport to a point where they can at the very least, gain entry to race or play against others in their chosen sport. This level of skill that we may marvel at doesn’t happen overnight. We all know that they’ve probably had to give up something else in pursuit of the excellence they are going to need to achieve their goal. This is called the Law of Sacrifice. In his book, “Working with the Law,” Raymond Holliwell says, “Something always has to be sacrificed for something else.” Even if you consider something as simple as watching a programme on TV, there are other channels we could watch, there are programmes like Netflix or you tube. We could choose not to watch at all and go out for a walk.
It is all about the choices we make in life. We all have the same number of minutes in a day so how are you choosing to spend your minutes? We often label success as the financial achievement, or being recognised in our external environment. However, some will consider the progress they have made with their internal environment as being more of a successful milestone. Stepping up to the mark, may actually be the spectacular achievement for some, the milestones they have reached internally that generate the confidence to partake in the sport called life. Too often we are hearing of those who have found the going too tough, who have chosen to make the ultimate sacrifice, who haven’t felt safe enough to put in the preparation to be the person they want to be. What is the achievement your internal guidance system is nudging you towards? When will ‘now’ be the right time to start taking the preparation steps towards that achievement?
Enjoy your preparation!
“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.”
We’re told the probability of how many millions of sperm fight to fertilise an egg and therefore how special and unique we are. Apparently there is no one else in the world like us and I haven’t the time to bother trying to dispute that. We may have physical characteristics and ways of behaving that are like other family members but ultimately none of them are exactly like YOU. Knowing that to be true can be a catalyst to utilise the talents you have and make a difference in the world. It doesn’t have to be like the first person to fly to the moon or create Virgin airlines. But even as a parent we can chose to bring our children up with certain beliefs that ultimately help them reach their potential and recognise their own uniqueness.
Neuroscientist, Mark Waldman says, “Feeling that your life is meaningful is an essential component for happiness, well-being & life-satisfaction. When there’s a global threat like this pandemic – our perspective about what the future may hold can challenge our core beliefs about everything.” All this uncertainty can stir up the anxiety, worry & fear. What if it was an opportunity to do something we have dreamed about for a long time?
Looking into someone else’s life from the outside may look appealing. We may think they are achieving something we are not. For whatever reason we may strive to be like them and in so doing neglect the talents and skills we have to offer the world. For some people it can feel uncomfortable to step outside the crowd, be the tall poppy that we love to hate in New Zealand. To neglect to live our purpose can cause us to feel unhappy or even ill. This uniqueness will continue until the day we die. Don’t allow the fears you have, stop you from being that unique being you came into the world to be, so you die with all your dreams and desires fulfilled as unique as you were when you were born.
Enjoy being YOU!
“My country didn’t send me 5,000 miles to start the race. They sent me 5,000 miles to finish the race.” John Stephen Akwari
1968 Mexico Olympics from Tanzania
Are you the sort of person who has lots of ideas and loves starting things? Or are you the sort who likes seeing the results of a job well done. Unless you work in a team of people who have their designated jobs in the process of completion, it will be up to you to start and finish.
I’ve just been on a course about epigenetics – they used to think that our genes were set in concrete. But now they are realising that there are some genes that can’t be changed & others that can. It is an emerging field of science & fascinating to me, hence my desire to go on the course. There I found out that there are 6 different groups of biological types who respond differently to the challenges of life. And each group is driven by a different hormone/chemical.
So for me to finish something I need to make it a challenge, now I know that, I might finish off some of the tasks around this house. Another group has to have lots of little tick boxes & others need certainty to keep them moving forward. Fascinating how we all react to life. Do you know what keeps you motivated to get things done? We don’t need to be too hard on ourselves. It may be a matter of our biology. Being an observer may help us to see what our patterns are and therefore how we might be able to change.
Enjoy finishing what you have started!
p.s. John Akwari fell at the beginning of the marathon. He dislocated his knee and hurt his shoulder but he finished the race.
“Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” Jim Rohn
Jim was one of the first people I listened to on tape back in the 80s. Gentleman Jim is what they called him and that is how I also perceived him. He had a presence about him and from a very early age he had done what unsuccessful people were unwilling to do. This had caused a quick rise up his success ladder. It was the second sentence that stuck out in my mind back then. These words had been passed down to him by his mentor and they are based on the understanding that we all grow from our challenges.
Were you told as a child that anything worth having was worth working/fighting for? I was watching my 2 year old grand-daughter learning how to solve a wooden jigsaw puzzle. She did it and tipped it out several times before she obviously decided, “I’ve mastered that,” and moved on to the next thing. If we don’t take those first steps as a child learning to walk, we don’t learn. Was that an option as a child? I’m sure you didn’t give up the first time you plopped on to your butt, or you wouldn’t be walking today. Just look back at some of the challenges in your life and see how you’ve had to grow to surmount them!
Enjoy learning to be ‘better’!
“Self-confidence is the best outfit, rock it and own it!”
In my day job, so to speak, I work with undergraduate physiotherapy students. At the moment I have one student in particular who is allowing her lack of self-confidence to hold her back. She is self- doubting every decision she has to make. It will come, as she repeats moves and techniques and becomes more familiar with the feel of different tissues and when they are stiff or ‘normal.’ And when she becomes more sure of that, she will have more confidence in her diagnosis, and of course the treatment is based on that decision.
However I saw a woman in her mid-fifties several years ago who had been told all her life how useless she was. When we have been given that information by our primary carers or maybe a teacher, and when that has been repeated enough times, we believe that with every fibre of our being. How can you run a business or make executive decisions if you believe you are useless? It takes a lot of work to let that go, leave it behind and move forward without that anchor weighing us down! We have to do the inner work to believe that we are worthy, or that we deserve to get the results we want when we have worked so hard.
Unfortunately the subconscious is so much more powerful than the conscious mind and it stores all those old memories of when we perhaps didn’t do as well as we would have liked. It remembers and disputes our thought processes when our conscious mind tells us we are worthy, we deserve etc. We all need to kindly but firmly tell that subconscious part of us, that we have chosen to make some changes and we are now ‘rocking it,’ or whatever words feel comfortable for you! They have named it “fake it until you make it,” but it is more than that – we are reprogramming our minds with new words!
Enjoy believing in yourself and owning it!