“The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget is the happiest.”
I have just been doing some work over the weekend on a technique called ‘Conversational Intelligence.’ The main thrust of this technique is to use it in businesses but of course it has a big impact on any conversations in any relationship. If we are in a conversation with anyone and we feel threatened in any way, our brain reacts as though in fear and the stress response follows. The hormones released cause the part of the brain that is responsible for making great decisions and thinking through problems, to get shut down. Conversational Intelligence is about saying things to staff, co-workers, friends or family, in a way that is not going to stress them. Sometimes this feels like we are being brave as we open up a conversation that may elicit a negative reaction.
To then forgive, is remembering that it is not about turning the other cheek so we can get hurt again, but more about us moving on and letting go of the hurt that is now in the past. We can’t change what has been done. Staying in the hurt is supporting the victim part of ourselves and that does not usually feel strong or empowering to be in that place. So forgive for your own sake, to feel strong and move forward. If you can then forget that past event, live in the present and move towards the future with optimism you will be happier.
Enjoy forgetting the wrongs that have been done!